Much Farther To Go

evenings!! I think there shouldn’t be a time between 20:00 and the morning. Let’s say I’m not the most efficient person during the day, and I reassure myself that I’m an evening person when it come to schoolwork anyway, so I’ll be fine. Not so much lately. So I still get almost nothing done during the day, and continually get almost nothing done in the evening. I know right now it’s probably one of my ‘mood’ things. I can go through weeks of being in a strange mood just because. Well, I guess I’ve been in a mood for a month and a half not for no reason. And don’t get me started on trying to fall asleep. I usually try to stay awake as long as I can and try to exhaust myself to sleep, which really fucks up functioning for the next day, but it’s a self-defeating cycle.

It’s a kind of psychosis for me almost. I haven’t had this much free time since my first year out of high school and I only worked part time. Like, how did I keep from going absolutely insane then?? Well I guess I wasn’t completely unbusy, like I am here. I spend so little time in class (and technically I haven’t been to class in a week, and I don’t think I’ll actually go to any more), live so far from city center, have so few friends, and have so few opportunities, that…well, I end up sitting on my hands a lot.

This is the part of me that’s excited to get home. Which is exciting and all, but for some reason I feel like I still need something big to look forward to. I know the next part of my life is going to be extremely busy, and I guess I’m genuinely looking forward to that, but a part of me just wants something nice to happen to me for a change…