Much Farther To Go

I vaguely remember setting out to do a lot more with my day than I actually did. Might have been the sleeping until 1 that did my day in. But even when I packed up my stuff at 5:30 and drove down to the library (really, I’ll take any excuse to drive) I had some high expectations. I was going to do the Ethics assignment, some accounting questions, write in my journal, write a to-do list (which I have cleverly called the “get your life fucking sorted” to-do list), and just generally think. Unfortunately, the only thing I accomplished was the assignment (pressure! due in less than 12 hours!) and got some inspiration to write this. I guess I could blame it on facebook, but that’s not altogether fair either. I’m just a distractable person. I need structure, organization, and NO shiny objects around me. After a while, everything starts to look shiny.

I may have been avoiding writing in here lately because, well, I don’t have the audience I used to, which I am so okay with, and there is just SO much more going on with me that I could ever properly express. It’s more than just this, but, since getting back from England, all I am is miserable. Inwardly, anyway. I’ve been more honest lately. When people ask me how I like being back, I honestly say I hate it, and I’m unhappy here. But what am I supposed to do? At the moment, for at least a year or more, I’m powerless, and I think that might be what bothers me most. Not only do I not want to be here, there’s nothing I can do about it. And, as you can tell, I’m not making the choice to be happy. And that doesn’t bother me. Does it make sense that I’m okay with being unhappy? I may just have lowered expectations of this place.

Anyway, I’ll write more tomorrow, before I further depress myself. Oh, and this livejournal site has made me smile, and even cry, today so, if you need some cheering up, just remember nice things people have said to you.