Much Farther To Go

That’s all this is really. Incredibly silly. I have done less than an hour of work this WEEK so far. [edit: not fair, I was busy with work all of Monday] And although it is driving me half insane, it may be ruining me for work in the real world.  Like where people look at you funny for getting up from your desk too many times, or actually block sites like facebook…wtf, government?? Well, if it weren’t for that I may be even more insane. It’s not summer yet, I can’t feel it. The weather’s been…not bad. Doesn’t stop me from wearing skirts and complaining about the cold. Average highs of around 14 degrees just isn’t it for me. It’s not normal either. I think it’s supposed to rain all next week. I think it was supposed to rain most days this week. I think I should invest in an umbrella. I don’t know how I got back from England without one…

I do wonder about where to live next year. I could stay where I am, it seems. But as of last night I believe we have an incredibly cheap, idiotic, even to the point of dangerous, landlord. So, not so pumped on that. BUT, to think about the fact that I pretty much earn rent in a day of work is kinda nice. And my #1 priority this next year is saving and making money. But there’s more to staying than just dealing with weirdo landlords. It may not be up to me. Would a sister be harder to deal with than a close friend? No idea. Also, would be easier if we lived farther from home. Then, no deal at all.

Back to work…I’m listening to music, but only from two CDs I burnt then ripped here. The same.two.hours. Over and over and over. I hope I don’t get sick of these artists, because I really love them. It’s been a continuous cycle of Adele, Josh Radin, and Corinne Bailey Rae. Oy. When I’m feeling adventurous/rebellious…I put one earbud in from my ipod and listen for a while. Just don’t ask, and everything’s allowed

amazing

I have spent the last two days absolutely exhausted (note to self, don’t decide to start working out hardcore and give up coffee in the same breath). The cold/sickness that hasn’t gone away since January has also started to catch up with me. May I continue? I’ve got a job interview on Friday, and another on Monday, and I have no idea what my chances are, but I’m not feeling overly confident. I got a not-too-good mark on my accounting exam, I’m super sore, and I’m never not hungry, but I never feel like eating. I’ve got loads of assignments to do, but I rarely have motivation until the last few moments before something’s due and, it would all have to be due Monday, wouldn’t it.

I’m still in love with Soko…

There’s a scene in Bridget Jones’ Diary where Bridget finds out that Daniel has met the girl he was cheating on her with before. She mutters under her breath at the realization “Silly Bridget, you haven’t only just met her,” as an admonition to herself for believing the best in someone and for foolishly hoping that what she had was real. Okay, maybe I’ve read a bit too much into that scene/relationship, but, what do I whisper to myself when I come crashing down to earth after a nice little daydream? “silly bridget” or “silly Jen” in my best Renee Zellweger British accent. Read the rest of this entry »

Ugh, it’s Valentine’s Day, but I’m not really here to complain about that, although that’s what this might turn into. I came to school to study today, and haven’t gotten much done. Don’t quite know what to blame it on. Having my computer with me would be a good start…I should really have this thing taken away…OH but I was listening to Radio 1, and they played this amazing song, which at first I wasn’t too too impressed with, but these lyrics caught my ear:

I will never love you more than singing in the shower
I will never love you more than my Mac computer
I will never love you more than having a daughter
I will never love you more than peanut butter

First because my macbook is my life, and second cuz I’ve been eating a LOT of peanut butter lately. It’s like manna from heaven. For some reason (well, no I have reasons) I’ve given up meat. I am a veg! It hasn’t been that long, but I can’t honestly remember the last meal I prepared with meat. Various people ask me why, and I have various answers. To my housemates, I say it’s for lent (then I get veg pizza! woo!). It’s also a good fall back if I want to go back to meat. But even thinking about having any now is kinda gross. But the thing is…I don’t have reasons, health, ethical or other. The treatment of animals has never bothered me, even though maybe it should have. I really ever only ate chicken, anything else would’ve been a rare occasion, probably prepared for me or at a restaurant. I found a nice recipe for bean burgers, and figured hey, why not change my life? I hate beans, by the way.

So, I did this way too much with my old blog, but these lyrics are me right now, this is part of Carrie’s Song by Vienna Teng.

so far so good
coffee motel coffee diner coffee go on
styrofoam is drying like the tears that once did flow
starting 10 o’clock and ending at dawn

and you can’t go back but you’re going back
and you don’t know what you’ll say
you’ve got half-formed sentences
explanations for a life half-broken away
and they just may
they’ll take you in their arms and then take out their knives
so you drive on thinking

so far so good
but you can’t go on much longer like this you know

So, this is megs and I our first weekend here. I remember most of that day, how I was still getting used to blistered feet, being proud of ourselves because we didn’t need a tour to tell us where the hoe and barbican were, we’d already discovered them on our own. Somewhere in this semester, we forgot about getting ahead, and now I feel terribly, terribly behind. And without a chance to make it right. The coursework will be fine. I will be writing three papers in this next week. In addition to a discussion and test, but really, I’m just fucked. Anyway, looking back at pictures makes me wish I could kind of go back and do it over. NO, not differently, except maybe for the homework part. I didn’t know what I had then. And I know I’m going to look back at this very moment and say the same.

Back on the subject of music, I’ve found a ton since getting here, I’m really going to miss radio one. I know I can listen to it online, but I don’t think I’m going to want to get up at ungodly hours just to listen to the Chris Moyles show live. That being said, for the first, oh say…two months here, the six hour time difference was really disorienting. Deciding when people should call, when they’d finally respond to emails, etc, really felt like it shortened the day. Getting back will be a little different, it’ll be strange to picture my friends out for the night when it’s only midday where I am. ANYWAY, music. It’s all love songs. I don’t know why. It doesn’t bother me until I start to realize that everyone’s talking about how hurt they’ve been, how bad things have happened to them, boo freaking hoo. Liars. What about those times that they’ve done the hurting? No possible way have they been the victim in every relationship they’ve been in. I’d like to hear a song about how they’ve hurt someone else. But then they might have to say they’re sorry, and they may not be. Good point, why would they write about someone they don’t care about? Ah, us victims. I guess we just as well may go on and write sad hurt songs of our own…

One of my favourite songs at the moment (i’ve got a bazillion). The video is hauntingly beautiful. Apparently the lyrics aren’t in a real language, and they’re up to individual interpretation. So, that’s what I did! Now if only this is what I was going to school for. Now, here’s what I hear, but really it changes everytime I listen.

You sigh low, fly
you soar, glide
you soar
you sigh low, fly
you soar like
your soal is afar, no
you saw love
you saw, you sigh slow
you sigh slow
you saw
you sigh low, fly
you soar, like
you saw, you sigh low, fly
you soar, glide
your soal is so far, oh
you saw love
you soar
you sigh low
you sigh low
you soar