I’m not used to my life being so very non-stop. I am putting that to myself, so it’s not like I resent it. I don’t think even last summer my life was so busy. I suppose I quantify busy as in, no time to watch TV before I collapse into bed. Work’s been okay today, was given filing to do. Well not filing persay, just old files to make pretty. And I like making things pretty so there I go.

I was just handed some work so I should be good to go for the rest of the day. I feel so cut off. I think I will spend the evening in front of the TV. Mmmmmm. I do feel like I’m forgetting something I’m supposed to do today though…

I am here. I am in Winkler. I trip over the word ‘home’ now like I never used to. Because even as now I’m surer than ever I don’t mean it, I don’t want to offend. Plus, this does make me homeless. Or attached to a place (Winnipeg? Canada?) that it would be in my best future interest not to leave. Does that make me a prisoner? Either way, I have to serve my time.

Work has been good for my soul. Even though I haven’t technically been earning my keep, I know eventually I will, and the effect is the same. I leave my house for 9-11 hours, depending on activity, and I am wiped out at the end of the day. I noticed yesterday as I was falling asleep, that the days have begun to blur together. Less so than they would be if I was constantly constantly busy, but I really can’t distinguish one day from another. I know I’ve always been a bit like that, forgetting what I did yesterday, especially if it was exactly what I’ve been doing most days previous. But is this what life is? Where the moment you’re living now is the most important thing in your life, but previous replicas of this moment are gone forever into oblivion?

hello friends. i am apparently on a time theme.

I am slowly going mad. I have not a lot to do here. I even read a page or two, as covertly as I could, of The Golden Compass. Which is wicked good so far. I am heading home sometime today. When, I’m not sure. I’ve never been so unorganized in my life. I remain mostly packed up except for most clothes and toiletries. And will most likely stay that way, til I graduate. And I mean it. The messy unorganized thing. In a short year I will be a University Graduate. Which to me, has never actually meant a lot. Especially while in school. I’m surrounded by people who are doing the same thing. So, no big deal, right? Most of my friends that I see often have, or will soon have, or will eventually have, an undergraduate degree. I just don’t think I’ll ever see it as anything big. Kinda like graduating from high school, I never got why anyone made a big fuss of it. I think I’d be super pumped on myself if somehow…I learned…hmm. Time Management would be good. They don’t teach that one. I think they assume you’ll learn it, and you’ll be a better student if you do. Ha! They have severely underestimated my laziness. I always always always get stuff done, and done well. How I spent my time in the meantime well, anyone can speculate. Also, along with my commerce degree (honours, btw) I would like to have become more well read. I so definitely have not. And that is something I am working on. Trying to anyway. Yeah, I know, The Golden Compass isn’t exactly literature (it’s children’s literature!). But it is a step in the right direction. Oh! And I always thought it would be neat to be able to give myself manicures. But I am throughly shit at it. Also, to have witty conversations. That would be good. What else…hm, some sort of personal finance. Or something. I’m alright, I just have this thing where I don’t look at my balances until the day they’re due

And I’m already caught up the night’s facebook happenings. If the summer keeps up this way, I will be an avid, avid blogger. Not that I think I’m actually generating real content, but still. Gives you something to read, innit? I’ve added to my repertoire, as I have burnt a CD this morning of Stars, their new stuff plus a few of their old. So should be good for a while. I definitely plan on getting my speakers from home, so I’ll have 600 songs to listen to, rather than the same 60.

OH, I went to a fitness class yesterday after work, and our instructor was like…Clay Aiken with a german accent. Amusing, to say the least. It was a step class, something I thought I wasn’t too bad at. He tried teaching us some fancy mambo move with lots of steps on the floor, and as I always watch everyone but myself, it made me feel better about the fact that no one else was getting it right either. I was just sort of shuffling side to side with the occasional step onto the step. Poor guy, didn’t seem all that impressed with our lack of grace. One of the more ridiculous moments of my life. At least I wasn’t the only one who fell off their step! woo! And sadly, even after all my inactivity, my knee still feels fucked up

That’s all this is really. Incredibly silly. I have done less than an hour of work this WEEK so far. [edit: not fair, I was busy with work all of Monday] And although it is driving me half insane, it may be ruining me for work in the real world.  Like where people look at you funny for getting up from your desk too many times, or actually block sites like facebook…wtf, government?? Well, if it weren’t for that I may be even more insane. It’s not summer yet, I can’t feel it. The weather’s been…not bad. Doesn’t stop me from wearing skirts and complaining about the cold. Average highs of around 14 degrees just isn’t it for me. It’s not normal either. I think it’s supposed to rain all next week. I think it was supposed to rain most days this week. I think I should invest in an umbrella. I don’t know how I got back from England without one…

I do wonder about where to live next year. I could stay where I am, it seems. But as of last night I believe we have an incredibly cheap, idiotic, even to the point of dangerous, landlord. So, not so pumped on that. BUT, to think about the fact that I pretty much earn rent in a day of work is kinda nice. And my #1 priority this next year is saving and making money. But there’s more to staying than just dealing with weirdo landlords. It may not be up to me. Would a sister be harder to deal with than a close friend? No idea. Also, would be easier if we lived farther from home. Then, no deal at all.

Back to work…I’m listening to music, but only from two CDs I burnt then ripped here. The same.two.hours. Over and over and over. I hope I don’t get sick of these artists, because I really love them. It’s been a continuous cycle of Adele, Josh Radin, and Corinne Bailey Rae. Oy. When I’m feeling adventurous/rebellious…I put one earbud in from my ipod and listen for a while. Just don’t ask, and everything’s allowed

I haven’t been saying much lately. I guess I blog less when I’m…contented. I’m moved into my new place, and I’ve mostly…well, so that I can move around, unpacked. It’s nice to have daylight in my place. It’s nice to have TV, even if sometimes the good shows are barely visible because we only subscribe to farmer vision. But I’ll have The Office, Grey’s, House…and I’m good! I used to think I missed watching the news, but now I’m struck by how painful redundant and overly dramatic it is. I think I may stick to reading my news online from now until forever.

My job…hmm. I like it. I like the novelty of having my own office. And I’ve actually been keeping it fairly neat, due to lack of work to mess it up… I’ve pretty much mastered what I’ve been told to do. And I have pretty much completed what looks to be my day’s work (by 9AM) There are a few boring administrative things I’d rather not have to do, but meh. Teaches me to wear heels to do filing. I’m not too comfortable with the position of my keyboard in relation to the rest of the set up, my neck and upper back are starting to fee lit. But it’s alright, I can’t do what I do at home…lie down with it all in front of me. May just make a spectacle of myself. So, I finally caved today to see if I could use facebook at work, and lo and behold…I can. Which I think is super weird. Weirder still, they’ve blocked the inbox. And I can still play scramble. Curiouser and curiouser.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll most likely say it again, but I have never ever been more tired in my entire life. I have had, possibly the most frustrating 48 hours of my life. Probably didn’t start it out so well, going out the night before my first day of work, and then coincidentally having to move house the same day. I could barely keep my eyes open this morning, while things were being explained to me. But doing is different! I can stay awake and alert while doing. I can’t wait til Monday. I will have my own office!! I know it’s just for the summer and all, but so is this place (which I’m loving so far, I’ve seen all of ONE person here since moving in)…I just need to make more of an effort to make the places that I stay MINE. All the while acknowledging their temporarity. End of next year can’t come quickly enough…

It’s over. It’s finally over. And, even though I spent nearly all day all week at school, I was incredibly underprepared. The exams went unbelievably well anyway. I won’t question it. I was THE slackest studier ever. May have something to do with MSN/Skype…but that would all be my fault. At the moment I have nothing to procrastinate from other than getting packed up and going to the gym! I don’t even work tomorrow. Apparently a terrorist shares my name, because my security check is taking AGES to get through. No matter, I shall use tomorrow uber-well and get my life together!! (When have I said that before? Oh yeah, before every weekend) Ah well, I half mean it this time, I’ve got to pack up! My slight headache prevents me from doing anything all that major. I’m in a huge space where clothes are covering the floor, I’ve got a weeks worth of breakfast dishes scattered around, not to mention a semester’s worth of paper. I will definitely not make it, moving in one load. Still have to get my car going, which I’m sure my papa will take care of when he comes to move my bed and TV. not that I use my TV. Then…I won’t be living in the area anymore! No more dodgy chinese food from the chicken delight. No more cheap pizzas picked up from cafe 22. Last pizza night tomorrow I guess. I will miss these kids, they’ve been really fab. Anyway, on with life I suppose

Really, I should be freaking out about not having studied a whole lot for my equities or ethics exams (not enough, anyway) but I’m not. Not because I’m calm and collected, but because I’m not happy. Yes, there’s an undercurrent of uber excitement regarding my new job and house and summer and everything, but. I just…want what I can’t have. And what’s frustrating is that I don’t know the level of impossibility that it sits at. It’s not like a job that’s possible for someone like me. Or being unhappy because my room is crap. I should realize that all this -feeling- about it, gets me nowhere, and it’s time to stop crying into my coffee. I’m hoping I’m just over-tired and kind of stressed because of this crap weekend of exams and the pressure of it all. Well, back to play ‘the game’ I suppose. Wish me luck.

Well, I’ve been studying for a few days straight now (er, job interview, re-visiting job place, facebook, coffee and bad girls breaks notwithstanding). And now I’m giving up for the night, because I’ve struggled to get anywhere with this retarded ethics studying (and I feel justified using that word because one of the articles from the 50’s used it non-ironically) and have spent a while on msn now, which has given me a bit of a headache. Sometimes I just don’t know where my head is at, or where it’s going.

But I care a little less now, because, big news, I have A Job. Yes, a proper Job. Well, maybe not proper cuz it’s still a summer student job. But I am faaairly proud of myself. Thank god for FSWEP. All those interviews and subsequent disappointments. I hate to say it, but they were worth getting to this point. I didn’t have a claim on any of those jobs. I just saw they were advertised, and went for ‘em. If anything, I got a lot lot of interview experience, and some feedback, when I remembered to ask for it. And voila, I am now an employee of the federal government. (can i get a woot?) And they told me my last employer gave me a great reference, which made my day even further. (don’t know if it actually mattered to my job-getting, I wrote their test, I answered their questions perfectly!) I arrived home to a message from the…second last? I believe, place to reject me. To do with a job ‘opportunity’. I am further self-satisfied. I move in a week. I am quite keen on the halved rent, the walls and door, all of it. (and the halved number of roomies, still love you kids)

So, I kind of do this thing, sometimes, when I’m desperate, to calm my head. I bargain with God. Yeah, the dude I’m not sure listens to me. I don’t know why I do it, I’ve always done it. So, Jen got the job, I think this means Jen’s going to church this Sunday. Funniest thought that when through my head about that? Oh! I’ll buy a new outfit! So this bargaining makes me feel like now I’ve done all I can, I relax a little, let fate work it’s magic, because there’s nothing more i can do. Not that my little mental blip was -something- but it eases my mind. I was having deeper thoughts about this earlier, but my mental state is NOT 100% at the moment. I cannot WAIT until Saturday, depending on what happens, I think God’ll forgive me if I can’t get out of bed Sunday and leave it til the next weekend